Why Bother Performing?

Performance. It’s a topic that creates a wide array of reactions, doesn’t it? Personally, for the longest time, performing was my least favorite thing about music. Sometimes I loathed it. And even currently, I cannot say that I have an overwhelming love for it. 

For a young student, they typically spend a couple of hours a week for their teacher’s studio recital. Some avid competitors spend hours a day creating the most refined and reliable performance that they can muster.

Recitalists, from my own experience and inquiries, often spend hundreds—sometimes over a thousand—hours preparing for a performance that lasts just 30 to 60 minutes. Regardless of which class you might fall under, this is a long time to sit alone, stuck with your mistakes and inadequacies. 

Then, to top this off, when you perform, sometimes terrible things can happen. You could be perfectly happy, then suddenly the rest of the music disappears from your mind. You could have a fantastic performance, to slaughter the last few notes. Your fingers could slip and butcher that passage that has given you grief every time, or worse, every other time you play it. The performance anxiety can make you so ill, your main goal is to not throw up or steady your hands. And one of our greatest fears is receiving applause out of politeness rather than genuine appreciation. 

I have been wondering why we have students perform who don’t plan on taking piano beyond their high school years. And recently, I have been wondering why I should be performing? I have been asking other pianists why they perform.

Some pianists have pushed themselves to perform more so they can become better teachers, a reason that I can venerate. Many said that they’re not sure. I followed up by asking whether or not they like performing.

They all said, “No”.

A few said to share the beauty of music with other people, a reason I take multiple issues with. When most people perform, one of the last things they think about is the pleasure of the audience. When you’re more experienced, you may develop apathetic feelings about performing. Hopefully, at some point, you can focus more on being present and creating beautiful music.

At least, this was the case for me. I find that I’ve only enjoyed performing when I’ve had the calm and control to enjoy and experience the sounds I’m creating. Whether or not the audience is enjoying it doesn’t come to mind until I finish. The only thing that contributed to me feeling calmer with performing was the result of my changing my practice. 

Here is another existential crisis question that I had: Since there are recordings of pianists far beyond anything I could dream to be—Horowitz, de Larrocha, Lugansky, Argerich, Michelangeli, Grosvenor, Trifonov, Richter, and countless others who found more beauty in a single note than some see in an entire lifetime—why should I, of all people, bother performing?

Yet, despite all of this, I still love watching performances. I love going through the doors to recital halls and universities, or grand performance halls such as Abravenal Hall, here in Utah. I love sitting in the crowd where people's chattering immediately stops when the oboe plays its perfect A. Or that moment when a pianist—or any soloist—steps onto the stage, and the audience erupts into applause. Then the lights dim, and you wait for that first note.

Many of us have heard our teachers say, “It’s not about the notes!” a million times. I begrudgingly admit that they are correct. The audience cares about the experience.

Now to address the question of this post. “Why bother performing?” 

Here’s the simple answer: you don’t have to. But, my my, you learn so much about yourself when you do. And as music teachers, are we just teaching music? Or are we guiding these impressionable individuals toward discovering themselves? 

If we take the time to consider these questions, we may break out of the mold of traditional expectations as piano teachers—and perhaps carve a new path for the purpose of performing, even for students who don’t aspire to become professionals.